A few weeks ago in Kingston, Ontario, the first
cohort finished their program. We held a graduation ritual at sunset by this sculpture on the shore of Lake Ontario. It’s called Time.
The ritual involved Neither/Nor practices, values exploration, and embodied reflection on the past year, the present moment — shared there, poetically, under the threshold of Time — and the future. Not the grand flavours of future like successful career or Meaningful Life™️ or life’s work. Rather, the “next honest step”, emerging from one’s whole sense and being; from the vein running through it all, shared with and witnessed by our group.
(Our next cohort begins with a Quest in Canada, Oct 19–24. Applications are open and scholarship places are available.)
It happens every now and then, as a host or teacher, when you craft an exercise for your guests or students and then you do it and it pulls you in as participant and kicks your butt in all the ways you’d hoped… except it’s you getting the butt-kicking.
(These are lucky happenings. Even though we are explicit and intentional about this in our program design1, it still feels somewhat magical to me when this deep connection and co-arising occurs, this dissolution of student/teacher roles and expectations.)
“What is your next honest step?” was the ask. We were sat in a circle on the grass. We took 5 minutes to reflect, and then put it into words for the group. Myself, butt-kicked, surrendering to the vulnerability of being wholly seen, spoke I don’t know what exactly, because when you’re really speaking, you speak as much from and within body-feel and relational texture as from and within semantics and story.
It’s too intimate to share here and I couldn’t do it justice. It was about love. But I can share the collapsed version, which was the next step of the ritual — we were to put our next honest step into one word; into one value or attentional beacon. We’d write it on our Neither/Nor mission coin.
It happens every now and then, as a host or teacher, when you wanna break the exercise you crafted and that’s fine too. I needed two words.
And then we’d walk through Time, carrying our coin, sun kissing the bay, sky a muted amber and regal mauve, celebrated by the group.
Integrity and courage. More specifically, integrity in the sense of right action and health at each concentric layer of my relational life; with self, with son, with others, with works. And more specifically, courage enough to let love and beauty in. I experience the two as somewhat in tension. I also deeply know that yes, this is a good talisman. A privilege and responsibility to hold these values dear while on my path.
Next steps
My son starts primary school tomorrow. He is thriving and that breaks my heart in the best way. I continue to patiently embed myself in Berlin, putting together a life here as artfully as I can. I’m enthused and rallied by co-building Liminal Learning and the green shoots there. I’m content and motivated by my other strand of work with Superhuman. I’m tidying up what needs tidying, my health is coming back, my full vitality feels — dare I let it in? — not far behind.
Piece by piece. Step by step.
For more, see Isabela’s post on education as liberation, and Luke’s description of walking in-front of versus beside young people as they mature into adulthood. This frame has become a key lens through which I’m thinking about program effectiveness; at the start of the year, we as Guides sometimes walk in front. By the end of the year, it should feel like we’re all walking side-by-side. And for those young people that wish to stay active in the community beyond the program, we’ll take turns in walking out in front in building what’s next.
Loved reading this as it resonates so much with me. Have totally had this experience of a process or space I've designed mirroring something of myself back to me in a humblingly revealing way. Can't wait to see you again soon and hear more about the experience!